APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY _________________ DRIVERS LICENSE ________________BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain ________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you? ______________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? _________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? ________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ______________________________
How often you attend ___________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Father? _____________
Mother?_____________
Pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely all answersare confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: __________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: __________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the: _____________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: __________________________________________

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________________________ ________________________________________________________

F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: __________________________________________________

G: What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ___________________


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TOTHE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS

__________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________
Father's Signature

________________________________
Mother's Signature

_______________________________
Pastor

________________________________
State Representative/Congressman

_______________________________
(Their stamp goes here) Notary Public



Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.Please allow four to six years for processing.You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will benotified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating. Daddy's (or Mommy's) Rules for DatingYour dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):


Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay...Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Elizabeth's 31st Birthday!

Caroline painted for the 1st time. She kept touching the marker tips and then putting them in her mouth. Then she would just bang the marker on the table so that it was just one big blob. I hope she takes after her daddy’s creativity and not her mama’s, which is none.

Before Patrick and I went out to
dinner we went to the church

to let her play on the playground.

She really likes to swing, and try to

go up the slide. Not so much go down

the slide!

A beautiful family photo! Ha Notice how C is signing “down”.

Her aunt, uncle and cousins had just gotten there and she did not want to be held for a picture. I wondered how Patrick talked my sister into babysitting Caroline, much less at our house. If you know Lori, you know she RARELY crosses the river! It wouldn’t take long for me to find out…

Patrick and I had a delicious meal at Cajun’s Wharf (thanks to my boss for the gift card!) which even included a free birthday dessert: chocolate crème brulee. Yum!!! Patrick had told me that we were going to see a show at 8 o’clock. At this time it was about 7:20, I think. Whenever I started to call the house to see how Caroline was doing and what she had to eat for supper, Patrick told me that we had time to go by the house and I could just check on her then instead of calling. I thought: good idea, plus that way we can drop off the leftovers in the fridge.

When we got home I slowly opened the door b/c C is notorious for standing right in front the door, and I had even hit her with it earlier that day not knowing that she would be there. But when I walked in there were TONS of people there yelling "SURPRISE"! I couldn’t believe it! I got all choked up, but tried not to get too emotional about the whole thing :) I have never had a surprise party before, and I was completely overwhelmed. I can’t tell you how loved and how special I felt seeing all those people there, for me! Well, I guess for me and the food. When I realized that my mom, sis, and BFF (hee hee!) Sarah had cooked all this food, I was just blown away.

Patrick had thought of everything: the big cookie cake that I had hinted at a while back, the invitations, balloons, food, ice cream (even strawberry-my favorite!), the sign the draftsman at my work had made, etc. I felt bad that I was complaining to Sarah just the other day how he didn’t pick up on hints! Ha He did such a good job, and I was so proud of him!

Thanks to everyone who came. I know Caroline sure had fun, and Reagan, too! I think Caroline was proud her new bedroom and showed it off to just about anyone she could!

Here are some pictures: The only time Caroline let me hold her. She was on the go the whole time!

Notice how I'm wearing Caroline's "I'm one" b-day hat. All I needed was a 3 in front of it!

The guys talking politics:
My college friends: Jessica (had a baby 4 weeks ago, I know. It doesn't look possible but I have met the baby.), Eva (had a baby 10 days before Caroline and is expecting a girl in June), and Sarah (has a husband).

Caroline and her best friend Reagan.

last Friday

On Friday, both Patrick and I were off work, so we got to spend the whole day together as a family. I love days like that! We started off with Krispy Kreme donuts, which Caroline LOVES! She didn’t love, however, wearing the hat.
Before we ran some errands we put her hair in pigtails for the first time. It was no easy task, but we were eventually successful. It took both of us, what kind of mother am I? ha

Her 2nd night in her big girl bed. Notice all the pacis lying next to her?

I love this shirt! I wear it all the time. Thanks Aunt Lolly! Though I’m wondering if you should have ordered one that said February or March instead…

Caroline is officially a BIG GIRL!

Well, it has now been a week since Caroline has been sleeping in her "big girl" bedroom. So far so good! She has done really well sleeping at night in her BIG bed, and taking naps in it, too.

Our little party for her was so much fun! She LOVES Papa John's Pizza! And we gave her a big Elmo to sleep with, which she calls "Melmo", so sweet. She has now said the word "Melmo" more times than she has said "mama" and "dada" combined. Guess I know where we stand.

Patrick worked so hard to get her room ready for her...which included moving almost all the furniture we did have in that bedroom up in the attic, then scraping the ceiling and painting it and the walls. We also had new carpet installed. Caroline has my old bedroom furniture. I'm thinking it might even be considered antique since it was purchased in 1985 when we moved to NLR! ha Caroline also has a few things on her walls that are special to me that I had as a little girl : the Precious Moments and the plates.

We usually put a baby gate up in her doorway and then crack her door. We quickly learned that she got over her apprehension of climbing down her step stool b/c she almost always meets us at the gate when she wakes up!

Here are a few pictures of the big night:

Eating her pepperoni and canadian bacon pizza

Showing us how she can climb on her bed all by herself (using her step stool, of course.)

Wanting her daddy to help her get down.

Our little superstar!

Playing with her balloons, which she calls "Bo Bo"

Pictures of her new bedroom

I know it looks like a mug shot, but we're actually measuring her for her growth chart. She's just a hair under 30 inches, which means she's grown about 10 inches since she was born! (Notice how she still has her knee fat. I love it!)

Caroline didn't care about her "big girl"certificate, she just wanted the cupcakes!

Our "Pumpkin" (aka Liz's first blog)

On August 4, 2007 we learned that our lives would never be the same! I took a pregnancy test early in the morning, and kept the good news secret from everyone except Caroline. (Really, who was she going to tell?) I hosted a shower for Rebecca L. that morning, ironically, and never gave a hint that I, too, was expecting. Later that afternoon…after the shower, after Patrick finished yard work at his parents’ house, after Caroline woke up from her nap (it felt like FOREVER!) she was finally able to tell her daddy her secret. Earlier that day we had made a little card for him that read on the outside: “Daddy, I have a secret”. On the inside was, “I’m going to be a big sister!”

I had the camcorder ready, though I didn’t quite get the response I expected. I think SHOCKED was the best way to describe his reaction. So I quickly turned off the camcorder to give him a chance to breathe again! Ha After the initial shock, I took a picture of the happy daddy x 2. And yes, that is Caroline playing with the pregnancy test, though don’t worry. The end was covered and completely sanitary :)

Then we decided to make Caroline a t-shirt to tell our parents the good news. My parents were leaving for Chicago in the morning and we really wanted to tell them before they left. Needless to say, both sets of parents were very excited! Once they finally read the shirt, that is.

Oh, on the way to Hobby Lobby we decided on 2 things: 1- the name that we would call this baby until it’s born, since we didn’t want to find out the sex this time either (we knew that Aunt Lolly would be pumped about that!!): Pumpkin (as you may recall Caroline was our Peanut) and 2- a boy and a girl name! Yep, we agreed immediately and knew what we wanted to call our precious child after it’s born. (Of course, being a woman, I reserve the right to change my mind at any point in time, but I doubt I will!)

August 9, 2007 My first belly shot w/ Pumpkin. 5 weeks

I swear that I am already growing!

September 7, 2007 My first doctor’s appt. 9 weeks
I asked the doctor why I was starting to show so much earlier than I did with Caroline. Patrick and I seriously thought that I was having twins b/c he even noticed that I was showing. Maybe she was just trying to make me feel better, but my doctor told me that it’s normal to show earlier with your later pregnancies. I felt a little relieved, I guess. But I still didn’t have clothes to fit me! Caroline attended our 1st doctor’s appt, but she didn’t exactly have fun. She wasn’t real interested in seeing her little brother or sister on the ultrasound :) We got to see that little heart beating just as fast as it could, and it was of course AMAZING.

My doctor told us our due date is April 10, 2008. We’re cutting it pretty close considering that my parents are going on a cruise to Greece with another church leaving March 24th returning April 2nd, and Patrick’s mother is going on a cruise to Greece with her church leaving April 15th!!! “What the heck, our parents think that since they’re retired that they can just travel all the time?? What about us? What about our plans? Who’s going to watch their granddaughter while I’m in the hospital popping out another grandchild for them???” Hahaha But seriously, my sister and I have pretty much decided that my parents will be out of the country when Pumpkin comes and she has already offered to watch Caroline for us. Though she will be in the delivery room again with me and Pat... Oh, I can’t worry about this stuff now. It will all fall into place when it needs to :)

We told our Sunday School class that we were pregnant. I think they were surprised but very excited for us! I knew we couldn’t keep it secret for long since I was already starting to show. Still, “mum” was the word!

I learned that I tested positive for group B strep/beta strep. Shouldn’t be a big deal, but I did have to take a round of antibiotics. Plus, whenever I go into labor I’m supposed to get 2 doses or 4 hours worth of antibiotics in my iv to make sure that the baby doesn’t catch it from me. “Uh, doctor, I didn’t even have an iv for 2 hours with Caroline, and don’t 2nd babies come even faster than the 1st one????” We’ll deal with that issue later. I did some research and it can be very scary if the baby gets group B strep. It can potentially be fatal. But I’m not worrying about it. I trust that Pumpkin and I are both in God’s hands and have faith that my prayers will be answered.

September 12, 2007 10 weeks
Starting to grow…

October 4, 2007 My 2nd doctor’s appt. 13 weeks
Caroline and her mama sharing some snacks while we waited on the doctor :) The doctor couldn’t hear Pumpkin’s heartbeat with the doppler (I wasn’t worried, b/c we couldn’t hear Caroline’s at that point, either.) Which means we got to have another ultrasound. And there was that little heart beating just as fast as it could! Amazing how much a baby grows in just 4 weeks…
The next day was when I told everyone at work that we were pregnant. Of course, I got a lot of laughs. Apparently several people had been asking around if I was pregnant (see, I’m not exaggerating. I really WAS showing!) but no one had the nerve to ask me! Ha!

October 24, 2007 16 weeks Caroline saying “Hi” to Pumpkin. She loves to play with my belly button! She thinks it’s hilarious (can you blame her?) and tries to pull on it. But she doesn’t realize that that doesn’t feel good :)

November 15, 2007 19 weeks My big ultrasound
The ultrasound was amazing. The tech saw immediately the sex of the baby. We had to turn our head several times! Apparently Pumpkin is not very bashful :) I was EXTREMELY disappointed when I learned that we would not get any pictures of our baby. Don’t get me started on that….some kind of legal blah, blah, blah. Oh, and she told us my due date was April 4, 2008. Not a big deal. My doctor won’t change my original due date of April 10, 2008.

It wasn’t until the next week when the nurse from my OB’s office called me with the ultrasound results: 1) I had fluid on my cervix: which means I could bleed or lose that fluid at any point in time or whenever I start to dilate. Doesn’t that sound lovely? The ultrasound tech didn’t tell me this.
2.) My baby had choroid plexus cysts on his brain…again, the ultrasound tech didn’t tell me. “Um, excuse me???? My baby has cysts on his brain???” That doesn’t sound good. The nurse told me that all babies have these and they normally dissolve at that point, and my baby’s hadn’t. No big deal, we’ll just schedule another ultrasound at 28 weeks to make sure they they’ve dissolved. Then I did a lot of research on the internet and talked to nurses about this, and basically these cysts can be tied to other birth defects like Trisomy, which is horrendous. Fortunately, my baby showed no other problems. According to my doctor, these cysts always dissolve unless the baby has other problems, which mine didn’t, in which case they don’t dissolve. So I had 9 weeks to fervently pray that these cysts would dissolve…

November 21, 2007 20 weeks

halfway point (but probably more than halfway, unless this baby takes after Jacob T.!)


November 29th, 2007 21 weeks
Another doctor’s appt

Christmas Day 2007 25 weeks
December 28, 2007 25 weeks
Another doctor’s appt. Caroline has gone with us to several of our doctor’s appointments. Even though the rooms are teeny tiny, she has done very well. She has even sat on the bed with me and watched while the doctor listened to Pumpkin’s heart beating! I pray that she will be a wonderful big sister. And I have high expectations, b/c I know how great a big sister can be. Other than the fact that my sister used to wake me when I was sleeping peacefully, jump over me when I was lying on the floor, and would never play with me, she’s the best big sister a girl could ever hope for!

I found out at this appt that my next ultrasound was not scheduled for 28 weeks, but rather 29 weeks. “I have to wait another whole week to make sure that the cysts have dissolved???” I wasn’t happy, but oh well.

January 14, 2008 28 weeks

January 25, 2008 29 weeks
What a busy day this was! I’ll spare you the boring and stressful details, b/c all that matters is that the cysts are gone!! Praise God! At least, the ultrasound tech and radiologist did not see them, which basically means they’re gone. And the rest of the baby checked out perfectly. This time the ultrasound tech said my due date was April 3, 2008. Alright, we’re starting to get REALLY close to my parents still being out of the country!!! That baby better hold on until they get back!

After the ultrasound I had the glucose screening (which I passed, no gestational diabetes. Yea!) and another OB appointment. All of this in the middle of bad weather, but we were all safe and I was extremely thankful.

I had to take a deep breath when my doc said, “Ok, I’ll see you again in 3 weeks, and then you’ll start coming every 2 weeks.” I was almost speechless (if you know me well, you know I’m never completely speechless.) Uhhh, that means the baby is coming SOON, right? Holy Cow! Before I know it, I’ll start going every week! Deep breaths, Elizabeth.

January 27, 2008 30 weeks
Caroline trying to pull on my belly button!

January 31, 2008 30 weeks
Wow, 30 weeks? Where has the time gone? I’m counting on less than 10 weeks to go…


Ok, so I hope I haven’t bored anyone, if anyone is still out there. You see why I can’t do this whole blog stuff? Once I start writing I CAN’T STOP! We have dial-up at home (stop laughing) so we’ll probably only update the blog during the week while we’re at work.
Can’t wait to show our Pumpkin off to all our friends and family in just a few more weeks!!!

BTW, tonight Caroline is offically a BIG GIRL!! She will be sleeping in her big girl bedroom for the first time tonight. We have a little family party planned with pizza, cupcakes, balloons, a gift, etc. I want to make this VERY special for her! She is such a sweet, good-natured little girl, and I know that she will make a wonderful big sister to Pumpkin :)